I’ve never thought of punctuation as giving personality to a character. Which is why when I first edited the exert, it was more of a mechanical process, putting commas in their proper places, periods, dashes, etc. For me, content was far more important than punctuation. But I think Dr. Petersen is right. Without the punctuation, the exert is too difficult to understand. The lack of punctuation, while initially a good idea, loses it’s power in confusion.
I enjoyed punctuating the part with the french tutor. Adding a colon after “Here’s what makes Philip angry” changed the entire dialogue to better depiction of Eloise’s sass. the colon sets up Eloise’s stage, preparing us for a good laugh at Philip’s expense. Also, I tried my hand at the Em Dash. I used it after “Otherwise, she has shoe-button eyes and two right-leg–She is rawther unusual.” The dash carried the message farther, adding emphasis to the final part rather then starting a whole new thought.